I have suddenly found out the world is huge..well I didn’t just find out it’s more about seeing how much is out there, and how scary it is…Fun but scary. When you have been sick for a long time and you are finally well and knowing you can do anything, you get a bit scared in thinking, Oh gee am I going to get sick again?.

The fact is I want to do so much. I think too much at times. There is so much information and so much stuff i feel like I am becoming an ADD person, or it feels like I have had too much Coffee. Running around and reading and gaining information …maybe thats what i am meant to be doing right now, my brain is starved for knowledge,as much as I have learned so much from being out of order for a while, its like this sudden burst of hunting for the best me I can be. I am sure I will slow down in a few months time, ( will keep you posted with that) and then I will be able to prioritize a bit better. However Happy trails to me

So I have decided to get my studious brain ready for the big league of TAFE, by starting a course , via Correspondence . I am wanting to do another course in which I actually go to a TAFE location, so that will be the next thing i do. Also am writing a book about signing up for the transplant, the waiting and the past few months before i came back to Adelaide,. I am so proud of this. i hope people like it .

Next month I will be starting a meditation class that my friend started. I used to have sessions with her prior to “The Call” and that helped alot. That was about giving me time out from my illness for an hour or so or however long the meditating would last. It actually worked for me . I would go to her place and my lungs would be really painful, then for an hour all that pain would go away. i would drift off to the life I had wanted, or just drift off. It was fantastic. Even though when i woke up it would be fine for another few minutes but then the pain would come back. Even though it did, I felt amazing for that hour.

Getting back into study is something I cannot wait to do.  I think the lack of learning , well in terms of Modules and Critical thinking, and to have somebody mark something that I have studied to the max for would be nice.

I want to get into Clerical work so obviously studying things around that nature. There are a few Correspondence courses that look really good. The reason for going in that direction is the amount of appointments this first year I have. Also introducing myself to the big wide world a bit at a time. In a few intros staff talk about not to go on public transport for the first 3 months and after that make sure it’s on off peak times. I mean i don’t think I would want to go on public transport ever with the amount of people that are sick these days. However if I have too it would certainly be on off peak times I know that sounds pretty mean , but hey I am wanting to look after these lungs thats my number one priority.  If that thought changes will let this blog site know

So have the printer set up, and my study cap on , all I need is to decide on what precisely I will be studying so Yay

It has been told to us US meaning those who now have that second chance of life that you will suddenly have the urge to make up for lost time. Which is fair enough. I mean why not??. Suddenly you are wanting to do things you have either struggled to or not being able to do at all. So mine has been shopping. Whether it has been a coping mechanism, or what, it has just been something i have always  wanted to do.

I have not being proud of who I am at times, due to not being able to take the time to just feel good about myself, even though needing to deal with this huge weight on my shoulders.(pre op). I now  however have the ability to try clothes on,  I don’t think it’s about being materialistic it’s just the Act of going forth and making the clothes fit this new improved person,and appreciating every second of that . I suddenly feel free .It’s a very liberating experience.

Another thing I have been making up for is my family and friends. They have had to do a lot for me.  They have had these amazing lives and all I could do was cheer from the sidelines. Now I have been able to be as involved  as I can be. Just able to be more encouraging , and helpful. Well hoping I am being more helpful … I guess I will find out soon enough

My 30th is this year. Oh my gosh I just typed that and I am shocked. Anyway Since the passed few years my birthdays weren’t anything to add to the best birthdays of my life. I thought definately make up for it. So that is being planned as I type. ..Am a very good multi tasker :).

Oh and watching comedies ..I love laughing and had not done much over the years, well only in the privacy of my own home due to constant coughing. SO its nice to laugh and not think ” Oh crud will have a coughing attack after this laugh” ,

My brain is making up for lost time as well. It questions everything . I mean I am happy about that it’s great to know things that interest you, However it also questions things I am not particularly interested in as well. Anyway I am not too worried about it..am sure thats one of the side affects of the medications  :).

My sensors are going mad these days…Actually they are a lot quieter than they were when i was in Melbourne. I guess Melbourne has many shops that I can gladly spend all day going too.

I am not shopping in the sense of purchasing materialistic stuff. Its more shopping for a better level of life. shopping for an Education. Shopping for better foods. Shopping for an expantion of knowledge. I guess that is also why I cannot wait to pack my bags and travel over yonder. I love watching those Holiday programmes and seeing the different cultures and how people live, so it’s going to be amazing to confirm a lot for me, as well as add more questions…but hey thats life right.

The shopping clothes wise though has been an adventure too. Have never really had the time for it all, as i would be too tired to try much on, or to even care enough to do so. Now even if i don’t buy anything it is still nice to try clothes on and find out my “true colour” when it comes to make-up.
It’s all very fun really.

I am not what you call a Spider person. In fact, i tend to debate why the need for them when there is Insect spray in the world. Anyway. Was looking out the window last night as the street light was lighting the sliding door that I have. Usually there are tree branches that tend to reflect onto the door, and you can see them flowing about due to the wind. Last night there was a Spider shaped shadow on the door , …so I obviously freaked out ..I then pulled the blind up on the otherside of the door so I could see outside. I also turned the outside light on, and low and behold a spider ..HUGE. A female huntsman I presumed, then confirmed. Now me being a NEW and improved person I decided to just watch it , see what it did ….On any other occasion I would of tried to kill it or at least thought it was going to do anything possible to get inside.

Ten minutes later it started moving, whether she felt she wanted to like spotting something to eat, or she felt paranoid like it was been watched . Ok so it was . Well it moved , it walked about to one end of the door to the other, then went back up to where i spotted it , then decided it was time to go home. So it used its 8 legs to set herself to the ground and head to the plants.

I know this is a bit boring to read, but i reflected a lot that night. On how much a decision can change a person. I feel calmer when talking about spiders now, I don’t feel as out of control and fearful of them all because i  decided last night to instead of looking at the bad, but to look at the good. I know I would have a lot more flies and mozzies about without this particular spider being around. So she helps. I have decided to call her Twiggy,

I have been back for a while now and am really liking the fact that the struggle is now over. Medication and appointments are important and am trying to figure it all out,. Managing time is one thing that I am getting used to. I mean the entire day is filled with things to do instead of short swifts of things, and a lot of sleeping.

Am wanting to study…I am sure I have mentioned that.  I have also thought about checking out how to become Health Minister..I mean 29 years of being in the hospital system and seeing the changes the governments have done throughout my lifetime. A lot has happened and the Government has NO idea what it is doing AT ALL trust me.  So thought i would check that out as well. Will obviously keep you posted. I think study will help me stop spending so much..i am not broke, but the laybying is kinda not helping with saving..I mean Twenty dollars here and there does add up…I am sure I will come back down from cloud 9 soon. …Maybe I should stop buying magazines that tell me what would look nice on me.

I really need to get the medication thing sorted. I feel paranoid I am going to forget to have them. Which isn’t good. Along with my insulin I hate it when blood sugar levels are  high. especially when you are craving for a chocolate milk. As much as water is delicious , after doing a truckload of exercise …kinda want bit of a treat afterwards. grrr.  Oh blithering again. .but it’s true. I am almost glad when the sugar levels are less than 4 so you have a sip of something other than water.

Well back to my routine